Love and attachment are pivotal in a relationship. When anxiety about one’s partner props into one’s life, it can get toxic. This toxicity is termed as insecurity. Love can make a relationship beautiful while excess love and anxiety can shatter it completely. Eradicating this insecure feeling or maximising it remains in one’s power whilst its toxicity.
Insecurity of one partner can affect a couple as a whole because of the erratic behaviour of the affected person. Such a feeling is often because the person is unaware of oneself, he doesn’t consider himself important and his self-esteem is extremely low. Disciplining one’s mind and agglomerating self-confidence is cardinal for a peaceful existence. Here is how you can avoid insecurity in a relationship.
1. Don’t Give Up Your Identity
More often than not we downgrade ourselves, be it in terms of our appearance, capability, our worth etc. We try to change for the other person to seek his attention. This is a classic sign of insecurity as all belief in oneself vanishes. We fail to understand that the relationship between our partners and us existed because we were a certain way which attracted our partner and changing this would be ironical to our relationship in the first place.
2. Stop Seeking Reassurance
Seeking assurance frequently is mistrusting our partner in a relationship. This process will distance the couple and may develop discontent and anger the other person eventually. It’s very crucial to understand oneself and make the partner feel that our place in their life is irreplaceable. This very thought could bring a closure to our insecure feeling.
3. Stop Measuring
Sometimes we fail to realise that our mere existence revolves around our partner’s life. This is truly uncalled behaviour. It is absurd for one to expect that our partner needs to understand each thought and move of ours. Do not read between the lines, it could lead to unwarranted quarrels. This attitude could disgust the partner and he could thus get aloof. Quality time spent with our partner is healthier than the quantity.
4. Communicate Positively
There is a popular proverb that states, ‘What you sow, so shall you reap!’ If you throw positivity to your partner, chances are that he would reciprocate similarly. Show him you are important and that he cannot take you for granted in a subtle way, without making it a continual practise.
5. Take The Plunge
If you think your partner is not noticing you, take the leap to unleash yourself, but don’t try too hard! Maybe over a period of time as the relationship settles, physical attraction may die down, if that’s the case bring back the charm that your partner craved for earlier. If you think your partner hardly appreciates or acknowledges you, take the lead and acknowledge her, instead of pointing fingers and playing the blame game. These changes could blossom your relationship.
6. Do Not Discuss Or Take Advice
Avoid paranoid discussions with your friends who are in similar situations because you aren’t going to solve anything.
Suffocation in a relationship is very common. Don’t succumb to it. Give her space and demand the same for yourself too. Measurable independence is the key to mutual existence. Let her spend time with her friends/family and do the same yourself as well. Agree upon some rules which let you blissfully connect with your partner.
8. Explore Yourself
The world is beautiful, explore! It’s time to unleash your abilities which went hibernating admit chaotic and traumatic emotions. Dust out the canvas or pick up an art which is close to you like Zumba, dance, music etc or hit the gym and get in shape. It can be anything where you expend your energy. This will take you off from constantly cribbing about your partner or your life.
9. Love Yourself
The last pointer is to trash the feeling of insecurity to feel good. Love and appreciation are not only for someone but also for oneself. Exercise, shop, dress up like a million bucks, do what makes you feel good!
About the author: Dr. Nisha Khanna is a renowned Relationship Counselor. With a career span of more than 16 years, she has been awarded as India’s Best Marriage and Family Counsellor by India Healthcare Awards 2018. She was also awarded as Best Relationship Counselor for Family & Marriage in India by India’s Healthcare Excellence Awards 2018. She also received the Social Impact award(2018-2019) for exemplary work in the field of women empowerment, Marriage Counselling and Motivational speaking.