The first time you meet a prospective partner, you feel the butterflies in your stomach. And rightfully so. As unfair as it sounds, one meeting is all it takes for someone to like you or not. So how do you manage to display all your plus points in a couple of hours and make your to-be-partner actually feel comfortable around you? We got in touch with psychologist and marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who told us some common mistakes that you can easily avoid making on a first date.
1. Not Finding A Balance Between Listening And Talking
“Remember you are meeting a stranger. On the first date, she wants to see if you are a sensible, intelligent and caring person or not. And the first sign of a sensible and caring person is quality listening,” says Sadhoo. It’s easy to go on talking about yourself but to get your partner to do the same is the first sign of success.
2. Don’t Fake Intimacy
You’re meeting for the first time so awkward silences can easily enter the conversation. That does not mean you need to panic and fill them up instantly. Don’t be artificial, says Sadhoo Even the silence can be cherished.
3. Voice Your Beliefs But Don’t Force It
You might have certain political or religious beliefs and you have all the right to voice them. However, you have to also learn to sideline them and focus on getting to know each other beyond those beliefs. Forcing your ideas on your partner at any stage of the relationship is a bad idea and definitely a no-no on the first date.
4. Do NOT Fiddle With Your Phone
“Nothing says that you are not interested in the other person and you want to be somewhere else than texting or playing with your smartphone while you are in a conversation with your date,” Sadhoo says. It’s a no-brainer but still something to remember. Don’t keep looking into your phone to check the time or to reply to some message. Keep your phone off the table and in your pocket at all times.
5. Pay Attention To Your Body Language
Sadhoo says there are certain positive body language signs like the widening of eyes, blushing, eye contact etc. However, negative body language can be off-putting. Not making eye contact shows lack of confidence, slouching or slumping displays a low self-esteem so keep your shoulders up at all times, crossing your arms or legs shows a defensive frame of mind. You might be habitual to a certain kind of body language which is why it is important to notice your body language and swiftly change it if it’s sending the wrong signals.
6. Steer Away From The Ex Files
Nobody wants to know about your ex, especially not your future partner. Talking about your ex on the first date shows that you are still hung up on that person and are not ready to indulge into something new. If that’s not true then just don’t do it.
7. Don’t Overshare
You might feel extremely comfortable talking to new people but is the new person comfortable listening? Gauge how your date is reacting and if it feels like she is getting conscious about you sharing the details of your last doctor’s appointment then just don’t do it. The key is to understand that you are still strangers and your partner needs to know you to develop empathy for you, explains Sadhoo.
Avoid these tiny mistakes and have a great date!