Let us begin by telling you that no relationship is “perfect”. Every couple has problems and arguments - and that’s okay! If the biggest problem in your relationship is not even to do with the two of you, but her friends, then that’s actually a lot easier to deal with than issues related to your or your girlfriend’s personalities. We spoke to Aman Bhonsle, Psychosocial Analyst and Relationship Counsellor, to understand how exactly you should deal with a situation in which you don’t get along with your girlfriend’s friends. Here’s what we came up with:
1. If They Talk Bad About You To Your Girl
“A woman's family talks about the 'ideal' guy and then there's the society that has its ideas of the 'perfect’ man too. They're all entitled to have an opinion,” says Bhonsle. It’s easy to feel demoralised when your partner’s friends don’t think very highly of you. But, ultimately, it’s a test of your relationship. If your relationship is strong and has been founded on respect and love, your girlfriend won’t be influenced by anything anyone says about you. “A lot of information comes at us from different sides. What we want to keep and what we want to brush off is our call. Her friends will tell things to her because it’s their opinion, whether she believes them or not, is her decision.”
2. If They Never Want To Include You In Group Hangouts
“It's important to understand why they don't want to include you in their hangouts. Is it because you bring down the energy of the group? Or is it because you're acting unpleasant? It's also possible that your girlfriend has painted a certain image of you to victimise herself. Or maybe, it's simply because they want to spend some girly time together,” says Bhonsle. No matter how much you love your partner, it’s absolutely okay to want some space and time for yourself and your friends. “It's important to integrate with your partner's friend circle but it's equally important to know when to back off. You have to take the initiative here - maybe call them over and leave the house to them to chill. You don't have to be insecure about this,” suggests Bhonsle. Maybe take this time to see your friends or have a guys night. A couple is allowed to have some part of their lives not overlap with each others.
3. If One Of Her Friends Is Hitting On You
The first thing to do in a situation like this is to be honest about it with your girlfriend. Gently give her all the details, the when, the how, the everything. “A relationship should be solid, free, easy and negotiable. Your partner should have the maturity to hear you out. In such a situation, it's essential to ask your partner if she is comfortable hanging out with this girl who's hitting on you. It might surprise you but sometimes, women like to feel that their man is in demand. But then again, she should have the maturity to hear you out and understand why you don't find it suitable,” says Bhonsle. Also ask her how you both, as a team, should deal with this. This problem has the power to cause misunderstanding but it could just bring you closer as a couple if dealt with the right way.
4. If One Of Her Friends Is Secretly In Love With Her
Oh, this happens way more than any of us even realise. “There could be various reasons for this like sexual attraction, the other person sees it as a challenge to steal your partner, or there's history. Talk to your partner about this and you should be able to find a common ground. A mature relationship is one that's honest, transparent,” says Bhonsle. Don’t change your behaviour towards your girlfriend or this friend before you talk to her about it though. It could cause more problems than solve.
5. If You And Her Friends Have Nothing In Common
“Boys and girls are conditioned very differently. From a very early age, boys and girls are told what they like and what their interests should be. So, it's normal for your interests to differ. You can't force yourself/ your interests upon them and expect them to like it. Be creative, find an activity you all enjoy, do your research and invest some time into this. Maybe they like to talk about certain topics like films, politics?” suggests Bhonsle. Try to be more tolerant and inclusive when you’re talking to them - we’re not saying you should express your opinions. But make sure you don’t come on so strongly that they don’t feel comfortable expressing theirs.